I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
