Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
