yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
