so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
