Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
