Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
