I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
