I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
