I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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