it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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