i don't like sucking hair
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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