used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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