she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
