He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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