shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
