you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
