I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
