guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
