i need an iv and a liver transplant
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
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