Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
