@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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