Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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