3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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