Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
