There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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