im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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