I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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