Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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