think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
