i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
