Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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