Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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