I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
