if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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