The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
