I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
