You're my little dorito
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
