just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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