hotel room ftw
I'm drive I can fine osifer
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
