I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
