My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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