well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
