hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
