How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
