Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i will never coherently bang her
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
