Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
