did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
