Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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