This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
