He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
