i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
